It’s been a weird week–in a good way. Usually before a big event or trip (and Camp Makearoo–which is this weekend!–involves both for me), I’m a cranky and stressed-out mess.
This time? I’m . . . calm.
Usually I’m fretting over getting sick (an old anxiety pattern of mine that I’m slowly but steadily releasing) and taking on oh, about 40,002 extra tasks I really don’t need to be doing (like washing all of the bedding in the entire house so we can come home to clean sheets–a great idea, but not always something I have time for). I’m always crabby and stressed out, and usually crying is involved. And apologies for being so cranky. Normally, I’m over-preparing and over-providing — MOAR PRINTOUTS AND SHINY THINGS FOR MY RETREAT! I MUST REHEARSE THE PERFECT SPEECH, WITH HILARIOUS SLIDE SHOW SIGHT GAGS! BELLS AND WHISTLES! I MUST DAZZLE EVERYONE WITH MY BRILLIANCE OR THEY WON’T BE DAZZLED BY MY BRILLIANCE AND THEY’LL GO HOME FEELING RIPPED OFF AND WON’T LIKE ME AT ALL OR EVER WANT TO WORK WITH ME AND THEY’LL PROBABLY THINK I SMELL, TOO!
Nope. Not this time.
I’m listening to what my guests are saying (and showing) that they want and need and preparing to work within their framework. I’m outlining what I want to say and offer the people coming to Camp Makearoo. I’m taking extra care of my health since chronic allergies have created a recurring ear infection that I have to address. I’m slowing down, resting, drinking tea, breathing, and just trusting that it will all work out. That’s what the Post-It above my computer monitor says: “I can handle whatever comes.” Knowing that, the old need to worry and stress and manage and TAKE CONTROL and MAKE PEOPLE LIKE ME BY BEING PERFECT is falling away more readily than even I could have imagined. So now as the usual last-minute stuff starts happening — emergencies and last-minute cancellations and mix-ups; I’m calm and centered and accepting each occurrence as it comes and moving on. I’m also fortunate to have lots of help; my mom is on dinner duty all week, my mother-in-law is taking my kids to and from school, and my husband will be helping with behind-the-scenes stuff during Camp Makearoo. Tribe.
Where is this newfound calm coming from? I think that’s a whole other newsletter, but essentially I think the word “practice” fits best. I’ve been working on myself and my coaching practice for a while now and applying what I learn and what I teach, and this is allowing some old patterns to fall away. It seems easy because it’s all happening at once this time, but last month before my race and tweetup events in April, I was that same old hot mess but with a difference: I knew, deep down, that I didn’t need to be that way any more. It was more of a habit than the security blanket and protective armor that it once was.
As I researched yoga poses to help with sinus and ear pressure, I kept seeing the words “relax,” “relaxation” and “rest” and I’ve decided to take that approach to healing–taking medication, slowing down my workouts for a few days, doing restful yoga poses in the evening, trusting that my body will heal, and making a great night’s sleep a priority. For years I’ve tried to “power through” my allergies, to tough it out because I don’t like the way the medicines make me feel (even Claritin makes me sleepy!), but this year, I need to take meds in order to help my body heal; my usual all-or-nothing thinking isn’t helping me here. Or anywhere.
Twice this week, I met turtles — one was massive and probably older than me, which was humbling and awe-inspiring. The other was a feisty young ‘un who fled at my excited approach and he or she learned that, sadly, turtles can’t climb trees to escape enthusiastic humans. I like paying attention to patterns in my life– when a song keeps coming on or I see the same animal or color or phrase at odd moments. Of course, as a wise friend on the Makearoo Facebook page pointed out, Turtle is a sign to slow down. I’m listening, dudes! Though I’m still looking forward to making those slide show sight gags. Just not this week.
Have a fantastic week, my awesome friends. I look forward to seeing some of you this weekend! If you’re not signed up yet, there’s still time.